Guest Post: Silenced for Speaking Truth
In our first post, we touched on some of the ways FetLife reportedly silences community members for speaking up and speaking out. Today, we’re sharing the story of someone who was on the receiving end of those tactics. Here, in their words, is how FetLife punished them for speaking about racism.
Like many users of FetLife (most of whom are members of one or more minority groups), I am another who was unfairly silenced on the platform for what I had to say. To begin with, I'll explain a bit about who I am. I am a Two-Spirited, Indigenous resident of Turtle Island — more commonly known as Canada.
I am a proud Indigenous person and also a proud sex worker. I do not care if this description makes it easier to identify who I am, it is the truth and my people value that on a high level. To speak the truth is a high honor; it is our duty to the world, our fellow man, the land, those who came before us, and those who will come after us.
So to be silenced for speaking truth is excessively aggressive, racialized, and anti-indigenous as a whole. Yet the perpetrators do so from my own unceded ancestral homelands with impunity.
A Two-Spirited individual's journey can be vastly different based on the person, but a strong similarity many of us share is the willingness to protect anyone who needs it. To say what must be said, do what must be done when there is no one else who can, and to ensure the safety of our communities.
Yes. Community safety is part of my sacred charge as a Two-Spirited individual. For me, this includes protecting the vulnerable members of a community I've been part of since I was legal age to partake. It means being a shield and taking the aggression onto myself, to protect others who aren't as used to the less savory people clinging to the coattails of BDSM.
That is what I chose to do, as I have always done. As per usual, I was punished heavily for doing so. I continue to have imposed upon me unjust limitations regarding who can see what I have to say.
Fetlife ostensibly works via “popularity”. The more engagement and likes a post or photo has, the more people are supposed to see it. This is what they claim is the 100% truth. Of course, it's absolutely not even close to accurate.
What they're not telling you is the insane levels of shady reach the site creator and caretakers have.
A blog by a person going under the pseudonym “PaddlePriest,” for example, mentions game-bending perks given to those in CEO John Baku's "good graces." These include but likely are not limited to pre-warning of user reports that include both reporter and allegation details.
The abuse of power is egregious and seems never-ending. And no matter how much evidence one collects, there always seems to be more seeping from the woodwork. I've personally encountered evidence of the ability to read individual DMs and access photos sent via private message.
There is also strong evidence that the ranking system used for “Kinky and Popular” can be manually adjusted to promote or suppress anything FetLife doesn't want its users to see. What the data shows is troubling. Whenever a post about the dark underbelly of FetLife starts to gain traction, a glut of vapid visual content surfaces, seemingly intended as a distraction.
Opium for the masses.
I wonder, do the (let's be honest here) mainly femme-presenting people who post their images and activities consent to their content being used to silence and drown out POC creators? Did these innocent people sharing their BDSM joy and experiences in what is supposed to be a safe and welcoming community agree to be used as a distraction? How would they feel knowing FetLife is artificially using their content to distract from the glaring issues it utterly refuses to address, fix, or even acknowledge?
I know I don't consent to having FetLife use my images for profit. I also know that it's complete bullshit to lock my videos behind both my own Supporter subscription but also to allow only supporters to view them. I receive nothing in return for this imposed paywall. So free and open, right?
Yeah, well…Fetlife is not profiting off my image any longer. I urge others to consider removing their own videos and content, too.
Why are we allowing these people to misuse our images and make money off our bodies while paying us absolutely nothing? How are they allowed to keep locking us out of our data and accounts and still profit off us when we cannot even log in to delete content?
After receiving my initial “punishment” for speaking out and promoting the idea that we can strike back, my reach has been severely limited. FetLife has imposed something called a shadowban, which limits who can see or engage with my posts.
It basically stops my followers from seeing my usual posts and activity in their own feeds automatically like they should if they are following my account.
In spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, FetLife still insists shadowbans do not exist. It claims it hasn't made attempt after attempt to silence both myself and numerous other detractors who have. Had. ENOUGH.
I am far from the only target. There are users with 200k+ follower counts who are being shadowbanned, locked out, or simply deleted for refusing to remain silent about and complicit in the abuses FetLife allows to fester in its shadowed corners. And what was the great sin these people committed?
Telling people to stop expecting FetLife to hold itself accountable. To stop complaining about FetLife to FetLife, because it's like the cops investigating the cops and finding no evidence of wrongdoing. A farce at best.
Telling users to take their complaints where FetLife may actually be forced to listen: Payment vendors such as Visa and Mastercard, ad partners, and business partners. Offering proof of the vile deeds allowed to exist unchecked on FetLife was enough to kick the beehive right off the tree.
Now I along with hundreds of others are paying with our livelihoods for telling the truth. Notably, we are by and large a community of visible minority groups. All categories and factors are represented in the list of people affected by Fetlife's actions and continued oppressive methods of silencing the truth.
My followers and those engaging on my posts were a major source of revenue for me as a custom content creator, a professional dominatrix, a fetish model, and a community mentor/guide.
First, my account was “Locked” without notice. Anyone who attempted to contact me was met with a notification that I had either blocked them or deleted my account when I did no such thing. This, understandably caused significant reputational damage and loss of both potential and current clientele.
After my account was restored to me, I noticed that my follower count had gone down. This was also when I began to collect data serving as evidence that I was shadowbanned. FetLife notifies you when you have new followers and who they are. I believe maybe someone forgot I am an educated adult and can count basic numbers.
If I see 55+ new followers yet my total count hasn’t changed, then there is clearly manipulation going on behind the scenes. Exactly what kind, I unfortunately cannot be sure.
I know people might look at this and think, well “anyone can unfollow you for whatever reason, maybe that's what happened?”
To which I must ask “yeah, every day in the same patterns and numbers? For weeks? Months?”
Is that truly plausible for me to lose the near exact count of new followers I gain every single day? I've done the math. It does not add up.
Moreover, I have actual friends and family who I know for a fact did NOT remove my profile from their list, yet when they checked I was unfollowed by their accounts.
There's absolutely no way my own submissives are unfollowing me over and over, nor my friends, especially ones I knew from off platform. It's a way to play on plausible deniability and make us sound like we are simply whining that people are ignoring us or not paying for content.
There is another feature FetLife uses with impunity, as well. It's called a “FetLife Restraining Order (FLRO).” It blocks all contact between two users with no option to rescind on either side. Ostensibly, this is used by caretakers to prevent harassment.
In reality, it is used as a cudgel to silence and isolate.
With a “Restraining Order Block” you appear to have ghosted someone you were having a conversation with and they appear to have done it right back.
Although FetLife's rules claim differently, users rarely receive notice when a FLRO is applied. They are also almost never reversed, as it's difficult to prove one is even in place. Unless, that is, the two users are in contact off the Fetlife platform and attempt to message each other via FetLife.
We have done so. We have proof of this as well.
Playing on plausible deniability again, really. This can be used to stop content selling, client appointments, first meetings, or even dates and munches. It can be used to punish, demoralize, and dissuade people from amplifying dissenting voices.
It can be used to protect predators.
Unfortunately for those in charge at FetLife — those who wish to get away with this level of silencing — we know better than to rely on the platform alone to stay in contact. It doesn't matter how many unequal punishments they hand out or underhanded tactics they apply. It doesn't matter how they manipulate their algorithms, or how egregiously they fail at protecting the community.
